Read this article in DeutschThis monthly recap is longer than usual and even more personal than usual. Maybe the post goes too far in some places, so the comments are closed. It’s just honest: that was my Christmas, so was my stress with the driving school and so was my Tinderdate on New Year’s Eve. More ridiculous than I can not stumble into the new year. In this month’s review you will find, as always, the most beautiful looks of the last month with all brands: This time something random scattered into it.
Christmas is kind of sweet:
Celebrate with the family, roasted almonds and candied apples, snow-covered fir trees and polar bears that wave friendly … oh no, that’s just the Lidl Christmas commercial. In reality, one should avoid listening to the radio for a month (Mariah Carey continuous loop) and best not to enter a shopping center. But over-capitalism and annoying songs or not, I still like Christmas. This year, however, it’s all passed very little emotionally by me: maybe because I’ve been so focused on my driving license.
(This article was translated from German with Google Translate)
Driver’s license fail
For a month, I was not working to get my driving license through with maximum concentration as fast as possible before traveling to South Africa. It was not easy. Especially with the time pressure: I would not have had time to repeat even one exam. I am not completely satisfied with my driving school: my driving instructor is lowkey sexist and racist. I try to comment as little as possible because I need it. He also told me that I was not a good wife because I talk so much. In addition, my driving school is unfortunately at least as verpeilt as myself.
Watching me and my driving school as they try to get me my driver’s license is like watching two mentally handicapped children baking a cake.
At first I tried to pass my theoretical exam. There are two test centers in Berlin: Either one is registered with one or the other. TÜV or Dekra. Since my driving school handwritten big “TÜV” had written on my documents, I thought naively just that I would be there. Why else should that be there? So I learned a lot and drove to the test center for the test. Due to the time pressure, I was under enormous stress, had not even eaten before the exam and just wanted to have it behind me. At TÜV, however, nobody in the system had me – Surprise Surprise – and I just had to go home without being able to take the test. It was the wrong testing center. On the way back, I was also in an industrial area, because my LG G4 after two (!) Months fight with the manufacturer is finally back from the repair – and again not right. In fact, suddenly the navigation in Google Maps is mirrored and also forward is backwards, besides, the menu is in Polish. Thanks, LG. Incidentally, I never buy that brand again.
The next day I wanted to drive to the right test center. In the subway, however, I noticed that my driving school had printed the wrong birthday on the documents that I would have to submit soon. That would be invalid. Panic call at the driving school – after a bit of pressure, the owner agreed to bring me the correct documents to the test center and meet me there. By the way, no one wanted to know anything about having recorded “TÜV” for me. For a moment, I thought that I, the idiot, wrote that down there myself. Fast handwriting check: luckily negative. That would have been the dumbest plot twist.
After all, I then passed the theory and the documents were accepted by the testing center.
New year’s Eve: Tinder date and chaos
New Year’s Eve is always this artificially blown up party with compulsory party, where all the clubs are more expensive and corrosive crowded and turn the streets of Berlin into a war zone. You do not have to give yourself. Actually, I wanted to celebrate cozy home with beer and a movie, but then spontaneously decided to spend New Year’s Eve with a Tinderdate. Someone I’ve been writing with for a while did not have any plans and we made an appointment at very short notice. On Tinder you never know who you’re going to end up with. My date, however, was great. I especially liked his – especially for New Year – gold painted fingernails. I like weird stuff. In a bar in Neukölln we decided to stand at the Viktoriapark monument at midnight. Although I live right there, I have never spent New Year’s Eve up there – for whatever reason. Shortly we wanted to get something at home, then we planned to walk through the city slowly to our destination. Suddenly my date said: “In ten minutes it’s midnight!”
New Year’s Eve was like my life: a bit nice, a bit shit, a bit wild
We ran down to the street, jumped into the next taxi and made it within eight minutes to the foot of Viktoriapark Hill. We still had two minutes left until New Year’s Eve, so we ran up the mountain as fast as we could. Because I’m a fucking couchpotato, the new year started halfway up for me. Just when it felt like my burning lungs were about to cough up. I’m just too unsportsmanlike. We then hit the road in the dark on the way up – it was actually no loss, because the view at the height was already beautiful.
Never before have I seen Berlin so colorful explode and from the top you could hear a crowd cheering.
It was nice. Really rousing nice.
We slowly climbed the last few meters. It was awesome, there were people everywhere. Most had gathered on the stairs to the monument and platform. At first glance, there was no way through, but I wanted to try anyway. From up there, the view had to be the most beautiful. We squeezed through the masses, on the bottom stairs I still filmed – arrived at the top of the platform, however, I realized that my damn LG G4 was gone. Someone had obviously pulled it out of my coat pocket on the last flight of stairs. What kind of degenerate waste does a person steal his mobile at New Year’s Eve at midnight? I have never been stolen anything and I live my whole life already in Berlin. Even worse: The Viktoriapark is like my second living room. And worse: I’ve just fought LG for two months with this stupid phone. And worse: The driver’s license is damn expensive, my upcoming trip to Africa also, the semester fee is due and I can just certainly not use the loss.
I sat down at the memorial and exited everything we had brought to toast with a 360 degree view of the celebrating, colorful Berlin around me. I scrounged several cigarettes, although I do not actually smoke anymore. Happy New Year!
My date was sweet, he scanned everything and even questioned people on the stairs. It was hopeless, of course. I only remember vaguely, but apparently I persuaded my date to climb down the waterfall – inactive in winter. Then I climbed a tree in the rose garden and jumped over a fence to get to the grounds of a kindergarten. I slipped down a chute, after which I was completely sandy and tried to enter windows. Then I tried to cede car mirror. I could not do it. My date said a group of people would look weird to me and I showed them the middle finger. If on New Year’s Eve you see a girl in a bright red fake fur coat, in Dr Martens and sequined pants full of sand, you’ll see: Sorry for that. She had a bad slide.
Other than that, the date was very nice and we got involved the next day to sober up old Godzilla movies. Sometime in the evening on New Year’s Day, I located my cell phone in a mobile phone store in Friedenau. I had to give it a try: I hungered heavily, called the police, drove to Friedenau in the middle of the night and found a unit in front of the address. Actually, the mobile phone shop really did not exist, our “friend and helper” is super-useless and whoever had my cell phone managed to switch off the positioning in the short time. Frustrated I left a note with “Finderlohn” text as the last attempt. Actually, it was not a piece of paper, but a piece of cardboard from the dumpster behind the house, because I had nothing to write.
Driving license exam with the dragon of the Dekra
On the 2nd of January – the day after – my practical driver’s license examination immediately started in the morning. B-e-s-t-e-s T-i-m-i-n-g. I knew, I have only this one try and need the bill for Africa: It was all such a chaos planning and I was at this point anyway annoying at the end. I drove my driving instructor to the test center. Only there does one learn who will test one right away. When the name came down, it sounded familiar to me, “Is not that what you …?” I looked at my driving instructor. He merely nodded blankly: it was the examiner he had often told of. He calls her the “dragon”. It is by far the most difficult examiner of the Dekra.
At this point, I could have considered putting myself into cryonic deep sleep all year 2018, just to try life again in 2019.
We got in the car for three. I tried to straighten myself and got the belt three times in a row not to touch. Silence. Then I did not get the engine on for a while, because I tried to solve the immobilizer too hectically. The examiner wanted to drive to the right out of the parking space and I drove to the left. I stopped for a moment, said I had to take a deep breath. Deep down, deep in. Then it went. The examiner drove no easy routes, wanted to see turning, parking and emergency braking. I did everything exactly right and forward-looking, drove just once too fast around a bend. When we turned back to the grounds of the Dekra and congratulated my driving instructor and the examiner for driving license, I could not believe it. I idiot after all the Abfuck actually got the test for the series. Who would have thought that.
Guess I’ve earned South Africa for three months now.
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